


ingredients without harmony

by tyrosretell



Series: the last question [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Butterflies, Codependency, Connie Needs a Hug, Dreamsharing, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hey look at that, Horror, Identity Issues, Nightmares, Pink Steven Needs a Hug, Plot Has Entered the Chat, Post-Steven Universe: The Movie, Steven Needed a Hug, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy, Trauma, Unhealthy Relationships, everyone needs a hug tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22025374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrosretell/pseuds/tyrosretell
Summary: “Whole,” he said. Then, he pointed at himself. “Half. Not Steven.” It was the most he had said in hours.“Steven—”He pulled her toward him, one hand weaving into hers.“Whole.”Connie pulled away, a cold and heavy weight forming in her stomach.“No, we can’t be Stevonnie again. They—”hurt, “they’re unstable with how we are right now.” If fusing with Steven was like chewing bubble gum, then fusing with his gem alone was like swallowing glass shards.-It’s hard to cope with the death of your best friend when his ghost decides to follow you around 24/7.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Pink Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Pink Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Pink Steven Universe
Series: the last question [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581430
Comments: 9
Kudos: 226





	ingredients without harmony

“ _When everything is chaos_

_And you have nothing but the way you feel_

_your strategy and a sword_

_You just think about the life you'll have together after the war_ ”

—“Do It for Her”, Steven Universe

“Peach or plum or strawberry?” Connie asked, plopping herself down to sit cross-legged next to Steven. A small cloud of sand billowed from beneath her. She carefully placed her violin aside to scoop some of the jam. Steven continued to strum his ukelele.

At her question, he looked up with a grin and sang, “ _Any kind is fine you see!_ ”

His grin was infectious.

“ _I'll do my best to give this jam the sweetness it deserves—_ ” Connie jumped in.

“ _—And I'll keep it fresh; I'm jamming on these tasty preserves!_ ” Steven finished, and they both dissolved into giggles.

“I can’t believe you still remember that song,” Connie said.

“It was a song I made with you,” Steven exclaimed. “ _Of course_ I’d remember it!” He grabbed the jam Connie held out and hummed their tune lightly beside her. 

Making herself comfortable on their picnic blanket, Connie turned to watch the sun setting on the horizon of the beach. As the sun went down, casting the most beautiful shades of pink Connie had ever seen as the sky went dark, she felt something warm fall lightly on her hand. The humming stopped. 

_Aw, trying to be smooth, Steven?_ Connie smiled, a blush beginning to rise, and turned to him, but the strawberry stain on his shirt caught her eye.

“Oh Steven, you got a little jam on your—”

The stain spread, blooming on his shirt like a bloody rose. Alarmed, Connie glanced back up and—

his **_face_ ** _—_

 _his face_ **_blood everywhere_ ** _from his_ **_caved-in_ ** _head his_ **_broken_ ** _nose his eye is_ **_dangling_ ** _out oh god oh god oh god_ that’s not jam—!

She covered her mouth, but muffled screams still forced their way through.

“ **_CoN nIe, h eLP mE p Le a S E—_ ** ” _He was hurt he was hurt_ **_the body was hurt_ ** _—_

Steven reached for her, fingernails torn and bloody, and she moved forward to grab his hand before they were swarmed by butterflies— 

* * *

Connie jolted up, vision blurry with tears and throat hoarse from strangled shouts. Her ears were ringing from the sound of fluttering wings. Her hand was still extended out. It fell to her chest as she tried to calm her breathing. 

With some regained clarity came confusion. There was something cold squeezing her other hand. Why was a pink glow in her room originating from—

“ _Holy—!_ ” Connie yelped as she turned to face a set of pink rings around diamonds. Staring at her. Inches away. 

Instinctively, Connie scrambled back, yanking back her other hand from him. “ _What the f—what in the_ world _are you doing in my room?_ ”

But it _wasn’t_ her room, she remembered. She was staying at the beach house because her parents still thought she was at Space Camp. She wondered when her parents would be alerted about her disappearance. She would need to make a call to them soon.

How many calls had she made? How many calls would she have to make? It was dark out, and she didn’t remember when she had fallen asleep amidst the horror show that the past few days had been. 

The Crystal Gems still hadn’t returned. They had been spending less and less time at the beach house, and more time away at… wherever they kept going with the warp pad. Greg visited more than them at this point with his intention of checking in on Connie and—and Steven.

Steven, who sat there beside her while she was sleeping, wordless and unblinking. He neither corrected her words nor offered an explanation for his behavior. By all means, he should’ve appeared threatening, but instead he just looked lost.

Connie sighed and scooted back to her original position on the bed. She extended her hand again. Steven’s eyes flickered to it, but he remained motionless.

Connie closed her eyes.

The rest of the night went by dreamlessly.

* * *

He followed her around _everywhere_.

At first, it was cute. It reminded her of a baby duckling, and it was nice to have someone following you around. She never felt lonely ( _when did she start feeling lonely?_ ). There was also something about him that made her feel… almost complete.

But then the _thoughts_ came. He looked exactly like Steven, except he was pink, he glowed, and he struggled to show emotions. He was literally the ghost of her best friend haunting her. A physical reminder that she had failed and that this ( _no, no,_ he _, he’s not a thing, Connie_ ) was all she had left of Steven.

 _He_ is _Steven,_ she kept reminding herself. 

_That’s not what you told Mr. Universe,_ another crueler part of herself chimed in, which she immediately shook away.

She just wished he wouldn’t try to follow her everywhere.

“Okay!” Connie said, trying to push him out the door, because best friends did a lot of things together but _going to the bathroom_ was where she drew the line. “This place is off limits when I’m using it, Steven!” It was surprisingly hard to push him out. She had forgotten about Steven’s superhuman strength since he seldom used it with ( _against_ ) her.

He frowned, stilling. To Connie’s annoyance, he stayed at the doorway.

“Not Steven.”

Connie froze, hand on the doorknob and her other hand midway through shoving him out.

“What do you mean?”

“Whole,” he said. Then, he pointed at himself. “Half. Not Steven.” It was the most he had said in hours.

“Steven—”

He pulled her toward him, one hand weaving into hers.

“Whole.”

Connie pulled away, a cold and heavy weight forming in her stomach.

“No, we can’t be Stevonnie again. They—” _hurt,_ “they’re unstable with how we are right now.” If fusing with Steven was like chewing bubble gum, then fusing with his gem alone was like swallowing glass shards. She couldn’t do it again. “Steven, please let go of my hand—”

“Why do you keep calling him Steven?”

Connie jumped. Steven released her hand but remained close beside her. Lapis was standing outside the bathroom, one hand on the open door.

“ _Wha_ —don’t—where did you come from?”

“Why do you keep calling him Steven?” Lapis repeated, frowning. Her face was haggard. She looked worse than the day Jasper had first attacked.

“Because that’s _who he is,_ ” Connie said, fire licking at her words. Why did she suddenly feel so _angry?_ “He may be missing a part of himself, but he’s _still Steven._ ”

“He doesn’t even recognize us,” Lapis returned, voice rising. “He spends all day cooped up in this house with _you._ Do you know if he even _recognizes you?_ ”

“Lapis,” Bismuth warned, because apparently everyone was visiting at the crack of dawn today.

“We’ve been searching for _days_ for Steven—Steven, who’s done so much for all of us—and all we found is his—his _fucking corpse_ buried in the snow and this _imitation_ who _claims_ to have Steven’s memories—”

“He never _said_ that; I _know_ it because we’ve fused—”

“—when he won’t even tell us _what the fuck happened that night—!_ ”

“Lapis, _please—_ ”

“And what have _you_ been doing all this time? _Sleeping?_ ”

“Lapis, she’s human, you know they have to—”

“So stop _pretending_ that _he’s_ Steven! Steven’s _gone!_ Steven’s _not ever coming back!_ ”

Connie flinched, and she could see butterflies in the corner of her vision—

 _she’s right isn’t that what you told Mr. Universe he acts nothing like Steven he can’t he doesn’t know how to he probably never will Steven’s gone forever you failed you failed you failed_ —

“ _Stop it,_ ” Steven said, and the house shook. One of the paintings—the one Vidalia had painted that summer of Steven sitting in front of the Crystal Gems, peaceful and serene—came loose from the wall. It clattered noisily down the stairs. No one rose to fix it. All eyes were on Steven. 

Steven, whose face remained devoid of any expression though he was now glowing brighter than fire.

He took a step toward Lapis, who stood her ground with flinty eyes. Her hands were tense, and Connie saw the water in the vase on the coffee table jump. _Oh no._

She stepped in front of Steven. Bismuth, who likely noticed the same thing, stepped in front of Lapis.

“ _Okay,_ why don’t we all take a moment to—” Bismuth started, but Lapis cut her off.

“All we’ve been _doing_ is _nothing!_ We tried the whole peace route, and now Steven is—is—” Lapis finally faltered, words choking, tears coming free, gaze falling to the floor, “ _dead,_ and his killer still walks free somewhere out there!”

The world fell beneath Connie’s feet. 

“ _What._ ”

“You didn’t hear?” Lapis’ head was still down, staring at her hands that clenched into trembling fists. “Peridot thinks it wasn’t just a monster attack.”

 _It wasn’t just a monster attack? It wasn’t just an accident? Steven’s dead, and his_ killer _is still out there?_

A sinister, black rage consumed Connie for the briefest of moments ( _someone killed Steven someone_ killed _my best friend I’m going to make them_ pay) before she shook her head. There came a thought. It was not a good thought. It was an angry thought that she had the right to feel, but never the right to execute. Then, she remembered who was behind her.

Connie glanced back, and Steven’s blank face greeted her as usual—but his _eyes._

The diamond pupils had shrunken to pinpricks of black.

He turned and went straight for the door.

* * *

“ _With my short existence (Good)_

_I can make a difference (Yes, excellent!)_

_I can be there for him_

_I can be his knight_

_I can do it for him"_

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhere, in another universe, Garnet and Bismuth are probably sharing drinks and stories about managing teams filled with pure chaotic energy.
> 
> To be continued.


End file.
